


Brothers and Grocery Stores

by thesolaralchemist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:26:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3525785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesolaralchemist/pseuds/thesolaralchemist





	Brothers and Grocery Stores

-A Tale of Homestuck-  
Baby Brothers & Grocery Stores  
by Dustin Denley

Be The Eldest Strider =>  
You are now the eldest Strider, but for awhile there you were the only Strider. You'd never known your parents, growing up an orphan. You went from foster home-to-foster home until you were 17 with the only constant in your life being Lil' Cal. Seriously, that guy's always been there for you. In that time you learned to be cool and versed yourself in the ways of irony. You didn't have ANY relatives that you knew of after you got out of the system. So, as far as you knew, you really were the only Strider. That is, until a shit load of responsibility came crashing into your life in the form of a baby on a meteor. Sure, you could've left him there and let the authorities find him, but you knew what kind of life the system would give him. You decided to be there for him where no one had been for you. You named him Dave, and took him in. That was four years ago. Your name is Dirk, but, these days, you're mostly called-"Bo!", a tiny voice said, waking you.  
Bro:Rise From Your Slumber And See What The Little Man Wants =>  
Before even opening your eyes, you grab your shades off the nightstand in your smuppet covered bedroom. "Sup, lil' man?", Bro said groggily to his younger brother. "Beakfast,! Beakfast!", Dave tells you, bouncing on his feet. You barely hold back a chuckle as is shades fall off his face from the motion. You catch them, and put them back on his face faster than the blink of an eye. "Easy, lil' man. Can't have those shades falling off your face like a stripper's bra. Spent hours making 'em for you.", Bro explained to the naive Dave. You eye the clock and see that it's 8:30 A.M. You get out of bed and stretch a 'bit before Dave pipes up with, "Beakfast, Bo! Beakfast!". You bend down to Dave's eye level, and say, "Alright, lil' man, you go grab some AJ, and I'll fry up some bacon and eggs." "Eeeee!", Dave squeals with excitement. Seriously, that kid loved his AJ more than you loved anime. And that's saying something. You make your way through various smuppet piles into the kitchen. You're so glad that there are weirdos out there that actually get off to puppets bumping uglies, or else you and Dave would be dropping beats on street corners for change. You do wish that you had a maid or some other shit because all this plush rump is probably going to leave Dave mentally scarred. You think about all of this in the thirty seconds it takes you to get to the kitchen because you are just THAT badass. You hear a disappointed sigh behind you just as you're about to light the eye.   
Bro: Check On Your Young =>  
You turn to see the what the commotion is about. "What's the matter, lil man?", you ask the little guy, who was staring into the fridge with a saddened expression. "No mo' appah juice, Bo. All gone...", Dave explains, but you can see the problem before a single mispronounced word escapes his lips. There is a very noticeable lack of AJ next to the shitty swords in your fridge. "You're right, lil' man. The AJ ditched us like an alcoholic father, but don't worry, Dave, I know where we can find a shit load of alcoholics to foster children with.", you assured the lil' man, who you heard giggle at your joke. Dave's face lit up with excitement. "We goin' to the sto', Bo?, he asked you just to be sure his suspicions were correct. "Hell yeah, lil' man.", you assured him. While Dave reveled in this knowledge like a trailer park mom with a pile of "Buy 1 Get 1 Free" coupons, you looked at your and Dave's clothes. You had a wife beater and some black pj's on, while Dave wore red pj bottoms and one of your t-shirts. You would have put an end to his habit of wearing your t-shirts due to them being far to big for him, but you haven't on account of it being adorable. "I think we should go wash up and change these clothes, lil' man.", you inform Dave, who had been bouncing up and down again. After giving Dave a bath, dressing him, bathing yourself, and dressing yourself, you now stood in your living room ready to get shit done. "Ready to get some shopping done, Dave?", Bro asked Dave. Dave gives you an enthusiastic nod in response. You're about to leave your apartment when you feel a tug at your pants leg. You look down at Dave, who says, "Plane! Plane!". Oh, you get it now.  
Bro: Put That Little Bad Ass On Your Shoulders =>  
You successfully hoist Dave up on your shoulders.  
Dave: Be The Airplane =>  
You successfully become the airplane. It is you. You make propeller sounds and everything! You don't even give a shit if this is a no fly zone, not that you know what that even is.  
Bro: Get To The Grocery Store Via Quick Transition =>  
You are now at the grocery store. You grab a buggie, and retrive Dave from the toy machines. You can't really blame the little guy for heading over to it as soon as you made it in when they have all those colors.  
Bro: Be Dave In Front Of The Machines =>  
So beautiful...  
Dave: Be Called Back Over To Your Bro =>  
You run back over to your Bro as soon as your hear him calling you. You sure do love your Bro. He's so cool and tall and silly.  
Dave: Be Cool, Tall, And Silly =>  
You are now Bro, and you have no idea what all this silly talk is about, because you are not silly. You're sugoi incarnate. "Alright, lil' man, let's find some groceries. Don't worry, some AJ is one of 'em.", Bro said to Dave, but Dave isn't paying attention anymore, he's eyeing what is to kids what a crack house is to drug addicts: The Toy Aisle. "Can we look, Bo! Can we?", Dave asks you, bouncing again. "Sure, lil' dude, you can go look, but ONLY look, 'kay? I'll wait outside for you. You've got five minutes.", you tell the kid. He runs off, and you wait. Dave runs out with a toy sword. "Dave, I told you only to look.", you say upon making eye contact with the item. "But I wanna be cool cool like you, Bo", he tells you.  
Bro: Be A Pushover, And Put The Sword In The Buggie =>  
After successfully putting the sword in the buggie, you and Dave get some shopping done. Once you finally come to the juice aisle, you turn to ask Dave what kind he wants. But you don't see Dave there. In fact, you don't see Dave anywhere near you...  
Bro: Appropriately Flip The Fuck Out =>  
"Shit, shit, shit...", you say to yourself through clenched teeth. You and the cart flash step all around in search of your little brother. 'Anything could have happened! He could've wandered off, and snatched up by some weirdo! He could've wandered out of the store!', you worry. Oh good lord, the idea of a four-year-old wandering the streets of Houston, Texas! Then it hits you like an abusive parent. "The toy aisle!", you exclaim.  
Bro: Flash Step To The Toy Aisle =>  
You successfully manage to flash step to the toy aisle. You see Dave standing there with another toy sword. That greedy little...He made you freak out because he wanted ANOTHER toy!?!?! You head toward him, ready to dish out some punishment.  
Bro: Ground The Kid 'Till He's Eighteen =>  
You fail to do so when Dave notices you. Initially he's all smiles as he says, "I wanted to get you a sord too, Bo.", but after he gets a look at you he seems....scared. Scared....of you. This, coupled with his selfless reasons for running off cause you to pick the kid up in the most loving of bro hugs. "Don't run off again like that, 'kay, lil' man? You had me scared shitless. ", you say. "Okay, Bo. I luv you, Bo.", Dave replies. "Love you too, lil' man, love you too.", you assure him. The two of you then proceed to buy your goods, and "spar" with your toy swords when you get home.   
Be The Blind Girl =>  
Karkat had ordered for you to go through whichever human you'd decided to troll's history. You'd decided to go back and find something to embarrass Dave with after you two started working with him. Sure, it'd bug him at first, but he should know you only bug the people who smell good. He should be flattered. You didn't find any dirt here, maybe you'd skip ahead a year or two and look there, but it did smell nice. "WHO KN3W YOU W3R3 SUCH A CUT3 WRIGG1ER, COO1 KID H3H3H3H3H3!", you chuckle to no one other than yourself in particular though you were talking as if to someone else. You do this because you're kind weird.  
End.


End file.
